Parenting Tool Number One Is that Kids Don't Want To Disappoint Their Parents.  
10 Reasons why kids fail to please their parents:
Some kids fail to please their parents because we have not effectively and lovingly taught them how to please us.

Some parents have expectations that are too high for themselves and or for their kids.

Some parents are so frequently disappointed that the kid gives up trying to please the parent.

Some parents call their child "stubborn," "a little devil" "hell on wheels" and a multitude of other defeating labels that children try to live up to. 

Some parents praise kids with insincerity and a hidden agenda.  Older kids see through it and want to avoid whatever it is the parent is getting at.

Some parents do not treat kids with respect and do not live worthy of respect.

Some parents ignore the true needs of the child by overindulging the child in any of the vast ways to indulge: money, clothes, extra-curricular activities, food, problem-solving, etc.  Kids try to stop it or try to keep the indulgance going in all kinds of destructive ways.

Some parents do not invest enough of themselves into the parent-child relationship; either their head or their heart is not really into parenting.

Some parents don't know how to teach their children in loving ways. 

That's only nine reasons, ha ha.  The tenth reason will come to me later, lol.

The purpose of this blog is to teach parents how to encourage the childhood behavior they like to see in loving, kind AND EFFECTIVE ways.   Is it possible to be loving, kind  AND effective?   YES!!!!!!   I keep trying and little by little I can see the firm and loving ways working!!!!!!  I am buiding a lifetime relationship with my son, not just trying to control today's behavior in any method that works.

Parenting Tool Number One is: Kids Don't Want To Disappoint Their Parents
 People who are missing either Maternal acceptance or Paternal acceptance have a hole inside of them that can never be replaced.  It seems almost biological.  They can only cope and try to move on past their inner grief.  People missing out on either motherly or fatherly love go searching for it their whole lives sometimes, and in all kinds of destructive ways.  It is a devastating kind of thing.
As parents, we need to realize our importance in our child's life!  We can work with this childhood need for parental approval.  No matter what age our kids are, we can still appeal to this need in a positive way.  I repeat, in a postive way!  It is crucial we use this tool in a positive way or the results will backfire and the relationship will crumble!

I read Nuture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.  The chapter on lying and the chapter on teenage rebellion had similar conclusions about the main motivation for kid's deceptive behavior.  I want to explore those fascinating chapters in depth later.   For now, I will briefly explain the similar conclusions.
In many different scientific studies, the data shows that virtually all kids lie!  That is the first thing to understand:  all kids lie, even the very young and even the straight-A obedient eighteen year olds.  The more intelligent they are, the better they are at lying and avoiding the truth without outright lying.  The more kids are punished for lying, the better they get at lying and deceiving.  We can explore how to deal with lying in another segment.

The compelling research further shows that the main reason kids lie is this:  kids want to please their parents!  The teenager's most common reason for hiding their behavior was, "I'm trying to protect the relationship with my parents.  I don't want them to be disappointed in me."    I repeat the most common teenage reason was,  "I don't want them to be diappointed in me."      I will let that sink in.  To me, it is profound.  It is Parenting Tool # 1.

John Gottman, Phd was a mathmetician before he became a professor of psychology at the University of Washington.  He has managed to combine the scientific method to the erratic and highly subjective  study of human behavior.   He has found through science, more peaceful and effective ways of dealing with other humans beings.  He uses the heartbeat, sweatglands, facial expressions and other body facts to measure the stress level of family members as they interact together.  He has been able to effectively reduce stress and fighting in families through the communication skills he teaches.     Being a nurse and a psychology student, I see the incredible value of linking the two very different sciences.    I LOVE him!!
I saw him once at a seminar and I really wanted to tell him I love him!  I am enthralled with his research data.  I am grateful for the years of research he has done and his willingness to share his findings to help families get along better.  He is my hero!  My life is so much better from applying his knowledge.  But I was too chicken to walk up to him during the bathroom break.  Ha ha!