He called to me in the night at 2:00 am because he said he had a nightmare. I asked what it was about and he said he didn't want to tell me. Ok, it was just a dream, goodnight. Thirty minutes later he called me back because he couldn't fall back asleep. I laid next to him until he fell asleep. If my boy feels the need for comfort and security, I do not withhold my help. Because he feels secure and knows I will help him, it doesn't happen that often. And one day he won't call me in the night anymore.
The next morning, I asked him about his nightmare. He didn't want to tell me. I told him that if he needed privacy with it, I would respect his need, but I really felt with this nightmare at age six, he would feel better if he told me. After ten minutes of my cajoling and reassuring and guessing the extreme possibilities of a nightmare, he finally gave in and told me his nightmare:
In his dream, he and I were at the store and he was looking for the big red angry bird. I told him he could not have it and hurried him to the check out stand. He saw a decoration with a mask and he wanted that too and I said no. We were angry with each other with our heads close scowling at each other. [this was demonstrated rather than verbalized] In his dream, he got so angry with me that he took my phone and threw it on the floor and broke it. That was the end of his upsetting dream because he woke up.
He was embarrassed to tell me that in his dream he threw my phone and broke it! My funny little boy! I hugged him and smiled.
"You didn't want to tell me because you broke my phone in your dream?"
"Yes." he said with his face looking down.
"Well you are right that would make me mad!" I said in a funny voice. We laughed and hugged. "You didn't really break my phone. I am so glad that was just a dream!" "Me, too!"
We talked about what he would do in his dream if he didn't wake up then and finished his dream. He would have said sorry and I would have forgiven him. And next time he would not have thrown my phone. We changed the end of his dream.
When he came home from school, I had a surprise on his bed that would help him have good dreams. A big red angry bird! He loves it and carries it everywhere so it can watch him play. It even went to school and stayed in his backpack.
Today he showed his bird to his friend and said, "Kayla, my mom makes my dreams come true."
I hope he always knows that making dreams come true is possible!
I have to be careful about what I read before I go to bed.
When I read blogs about moms mourning the fact that their children are growing up, I think about my son growing up. I get anxious that the time is going too fast and I am not doing enough to maximize the time I have with him.
And if I happen to be maximizing the time I have with him, then I get anxious that I am not documenting our experiences enough and I will forget them. I feel a sense of dread about losing the precious moments with my precious son.
Then I can't sleep.
Then I am less patient the next day.
I am less patient at bedtime when my son is all ready for bed but he is lying on the floor holding his eye. "Come on, get up." I tell him, ignoring the fact that he is holding his eye and acting hurt. "Get up and wash those dirty, stinky hands," I say as I start pulling on his arm. I just want him to get clean and get into bed and fall asleep, now! We are still tired from late summer nights and not into our school bedtime routine yet. I don't want his daily behavior to get out of control, and what if he starts having problems at school from lack of sleep! He says, "You bumped my eye." I apologize and say it was an accident and that I didn't even know I did. Hands get washed, good!
As I try to help him relax in bed, we play Blokus on the ipad like we do at bedtime. He says, "Mom, you don't like me?" I realize I must sound gruff and anxious to him. I explain that Of course I love him and I will always love him, hug and kiss, but it is late and I just want him to fall asleep and I am trying to beat this game and we are probably going to lose this game. I say, "I am just trying to win this game," in a funny voice and he laughs and asks me to repeat it a bunch of times so I do. And he laughs every time. Good feelings are restored.
I realized that losing sleep over his passing childhood has prevented me from being able to enjoy the here and now with him. Luckily our happy bedtime moment last night was saved. But I don't want to be sad about his vanishing childhood and lose any more sleep.
As I was pulling weeds in this flower bed today, I told myself, "Face it. Kids grow up and life goes on." I like my life. And I have learned how to live my life in an enjoyable way even when things and people very dear to me have been taken away from me. I know how to get by and be happy. I have heard that is how centenarians live to be 100. They cope well with losses. I can, too. KNOCK ON WOOD.
We will remember everything
I also reminded myself that in the next life we will be able to instantly recall every experience we have here on earth. We will be able to remember every second of every day. These fun precious moments will not be lost because we will remember them. They are in our brains forever. And as we learn how to use our brains to their capacity, we will recall everything. That is what I believe.
I also reminded myself that if being a mother and having a family on earth is heavenly, that the loving God I have come to know will provide a way for those heavenly feelings to continue in the next life and be even better without the trials of earth life we have here. I am guessing that being a mother in the next life without trials will be exquisite! Who knows? I am hoping to be a mother of millions in the next life! :-)
I sure love being a Mom here and now to this little boy.
When it was my turn to host our neighborhood book club in July, I chose "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child" of course! I love Emotion Coaching! It has changed my attitudes about parenting.
I did my best to explain the principles and the outcomes of emotion coaching in our family. One of the ladies said, "Your home is so peaceful."
She doesn't know I have this blog called 'Parent's Peace'. She doesn't know that my main goal in life is to create a peaceful life and a peaceful home! I was thrilled when she said that. Having peace is my greatest pursuit!
Do not think that I want my home to be like some type of quiet museum. Most times it is loud and rambunctious! We play soccer in the living room! I want a peaceful home in the sense that anyone who enters feels at peace. I want to get along with everyone. I want to have harmony.
About a year ago, I was studying to give a lesson in church when I noticed the words, "May your homes be filled with harmony and love." I thought about what it means to have harmony. I looked up the definition. In music, harmony is when two or more different notes complement each other and sound good together. We all play different notes, but we can support each other and still make music that works and is enjoyable.
We don't have to force ourselves to all play the same note all the time. That would make a boring song! We can appreciate the range of notes we each are playing in and appreciate each other's contributions, like a smooth jazz.
It is easier said than done sometimes! It takes great effort to be patient and tolerant of the notes others are playing while being true to our own range of notes. But that is our goal, and when we hit it right, it makes beautiful music.
May your homes be filled with harmony and love
He has jumped off the high dive before. Three months ago, June 11th, to be exact, was his first high-dive jump ever. He loved it. He has jumped about five times total since then. He is 6 1/2 years old and swims like a fish.
At the pool party last night, he asked if he could get into the pool. Sure, honey. As he walked to the end of the high dive, I called to him and suggested he try the water first before jumping off the high dive. I didn't want the shock of cold water to take his breath away. Someone nearby assured me the water was warm. "Ok, go ahead!" I called to him. We thought he would merely jump, like he has done before.
Luckily we both were watching, because HE DOVE OFF THE HIGH DIVE!!!! We had no idea he was going to dive! The adults at the party gasped and then clapped and laughed at the little guy's bravery and ease. He made it straight into the water, arms and head first with no belly or back-flopping at all! The life guard screamed, "Wow! Do you know how long it takes kids to do that?"
We were shocked and still couldn't believe he did it.
Later, Dad asked him if diving off the high dive was fun. "Yah. Well, it kind of hurt my face."
Life with kids is an adventure.
I have done my best
to maximize the past 12 weeks of summer
and now summer is over.
I can't get enough of his face.
If it wasn't against the law, I maybe wouldn't make him go to school.
Thank you Honey, for taking him to school on the first day. I probably would have cried.
On the bright side, I now have time to blog.
We have a boy. We catch bugs and things.
Nothing is better than a good catch! We look up our finds on the internet to learn about them. This Eastern Tiger Swallowtail was beautiful!
We watch the bugs and animals for awhile and then let them go back to their homes and families.
Unfortunately, this harmless bull snake didn't move when we released him in the morning. We only had him overnight! He must have been sick to begin with and that is why I caught him so easily. (I am a pro at catching animals without touching them. It is a matter of cornering them so they have to go into a container.)
Sorry, I am a nurse, we looked into his mouth to see if he had teeth. Two little tiny fangs were tucked in his upper jaw.
One morning, my son was thrilled to wake up and see this little baby bunny in the window well outside his window. Dad opened the window and caught it for us. We fed it some of our ginuea pig's hay. It was so cute we really wanted to keep it!! But we knew we had to let it go.
My son is taking a picture of a squirrel on top of the rock above his head. The squirrel is scurrying away.
He found the squirrel in our window well and was proud to show us his discovery. Dad opened the window to catch the squirrel and it ran into our house. Luckliy, I had shut all the doors so it was stuck in one room. We had a great time chasing the frantic squirrel around! I was able to corner it and get it into a big box. The releasing of the squirrel took a split second and it was out of there!
It has been so fun to hunt for animals to catch! I enter the world of a six year old boy and forget about everything I am not getting done, like the sink full of dishes and the piles of laundry!
I hope your summer has been full of fun times!