I read Nuture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. The chapter on lying and the chapter on teenage rebellion had similar conclusions about the main motivation for kid's deceptive behavior. I want to explore those fascinating chapters in depth later. For now, I will briefly explain the similar conclusions.
In many different scientific studies, the data shows that virtually all kids lie! That is the first thing to understand: all kids lie, even the very young and even the straight-A obedient eighteen year olds. The more intelligent they are, the better they are at lying and avoiding the truth without outright lying. The more kids are punished for lying, the better they get at lying and deceiving. We can explore how to deal with lying in another segment.
The compelling research further shows that the main reason kids lie is this: kids want to please their parents! The teenager's most common reason for hiding their behavior was, "I'm trying to protect the relationship with my parents. I don't want them to be disappointed in me." I repeat the most common teenage reason was, "I don't want them to be diappointed in me." I will let that sink in. To me, it is profound. It is Parenting Tool # 1.
In many different scientific studies, the data shows that virtually all kids lie! That is the first thing to understand: all kids lie, even the very young and even the straight-A obedient eighteen year olds. The more intelligent they are, the better they are at lying and avoiding the truth without outright lying. The more kids are punished for lying, the better they get at lying and deceiving. We can explore how to deal with lying in another segment.
The compelling research further shows that the main reason kids lie is this: kids want to please their parents! The teenager's most common reason for hiding their behavior was, "I'm trying to protect the relationship with my parents. I don't want them to be disappointed in me." I repeat the most common teenage reason was, "I don't want them to be diappointed in me." I will let that sink in. To me, it is profound. It is Parenting Tool # 1.
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