Our son is soon to reach the age of accountability. I am afraid I may be guilty of coddling him too much. I am not sure we have taught him how to follow his conscience and be accountable. So I am on a quest to teach him as much as possible so he can handle the responsibility of his decisions.

Real Life Lesson #2. I listened to my conscience

Our son was sick. For six days he laid on the couch with a blanket and his pillow pets. I want to wash his pillow pets to get the germs out.

Yesterday while he was in school was the perfect time to throw them in the washing machine. Then I remembered that he told me he was worried if I washed them, the fur on them would get hard and not be soft anymore.

It is true, washing them might change the texture. "He'll get over it," I thought, "they need to be washed."

But then I thought of how bad I would feel if the fur changed texture and my son was upset with me.

The part I stress as I tell him the story: My conscience told me that it is wrong to take someone else's things and do what they didn't want me to do. I listened to my conscience and I didn't wash the pillow pets.

Then I thought of some other ideas of how to clean them. Or maybe do a test wash on a stuffed animal we don't care about. But I had to ask him first.

My son breathed a sigh of relief that I listened to my conscience and he thanked me for not washing his pillow pets.

I was starting to slam the dishes around. Just at the top of my frustration level, my son said, "Mom, I made something for you." I stopped my ranting, walked over and stood over him. I folded my hands in front of me and tried to feign niceness, "What?" He put this in my hand, "It's a heart, out of Legos." Completely disarmed, I sat down and bawled like a baby. I was overcome with the simple gesture of his love, trying to help me. I was ashamed of my anger. He reminded me how much I dearly love him. I still did not know how to get him to eat and get dressed for school, but I know I want to be a good mom. And I love him

Our boy loves to see that we can make mistakes.  He found it hilarious that I spilled chocolate on my shirt!


I have been making a lot of mistakes lately.  For the past week, I have been threatening to take away his pillow pets to make him do things like getting dressed for school and brushing his teeth at night.  

I know there is a better way to parent!

Parent Effectivenes Training to the rescue!  I read a couple chapters last night. 

It turns out I have been doing too much sermonizing, preaching, lecturing and not enough active listening.   When I do too much sermonizing, preaching and lecturing it takes away his freedom to do the right thing on his own.  He feels controlled and manipulated by me as evidenced by his comment, "I don't want you to be the boss of me."  and "I don't like you to tell me what to do all the time."    I don't like it either.  And I really don't like it when he refuses to get dressed for school, saying he will not do anything and buries his head in his pillow pets on the couch.

This morning I changed how i said things.  For instance, instead of saying, "Change your socks."  I said, "I noticed you threw your clean socks back onto the couch."    He sort of smiled and hoped I didn't notice.   I said, "I know you don't want to change your socks."   He smiled.  "But I know what might happen if you don't.  If you wear socks for more than a day, they could start to stink and then when people get near you, they might smell something funny and want to move away."   I acted out holding my nose and he thought it was funny.  ( I still did too much lecturing, but at least I was not angry and exasperated like i have been lately)   In a loving tone, i went on,  "And the other thing that happens is if your socks are smelly then your shoes get smelly and we have to replace them sooner."   He added, "And that takes your money."  I was happy, "You are right, it takes more money."    He said quietly, "Ok, you can change my socks."

Not quite the outcome I wanted, but it was better than the struggles we have had earlier in the last week!  Yay!  We quickly moved on without incident.

Thank you, PET!   We had a better morning!

I just bought ten pounds of potatoes for a dollar.

I think of all the labor it took to grow, harvest, package, deliver and stock the store with that heavy bag of potatoes.

It doesn't seem right to charge only a dollar.

But I will take it.

Likewise, I bought a 12 pound turkey for 12 dollars. Does $12 even cover the cost of the feed for that turkey? Not to mention the other costs involved in getting a turkey wrapped and to the store.

With all the rising costs, I think this is remarkably low.

http://zenhabits.net/why-living-a-life-of-gratitude-can-make-you-happy/

Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
~ Author Unknown ~

My shoulder was sore after shoveling this much snow into a roofless 'igloo'. I thought my shoulder would be sore for weeks like I was two years ago when we had a lot of snow. A magnesium bath and Le Pain essential oil cleared up the damage I did to my shoulder in just a matter days!

I watch 19 Kids and Counting to see if the kids ever fight with each other.  I have not seen any hitting, teasing or tantrums.  How can that be?    I watch to see how Michelle Duggar manages to keep everyone happy while they are being filmed.  It appears as though they are being authentic.  No fighting?  With 19 kids?  I'm intrigued.

Finally, I saw her work her magic in a way that might explain part of it.  Michelle's granddaughter was fussy during her naptime when everyone was trying to take wedding photos.  Grandma Michelle picked up the two year old after the mom was struggling to keep her off the ground.  Michelle held her and talked quietly as she walked away from the picture taking.   She told the little girl how proud she was of her and how she knew the little girl could be 'mature'.  I don't know the words of encouragement she used...something like 'i know you can do it, you are special'   But it worked!  The little girl stopped fussing and was able to finish the picture taking!   I thought because it was naptime, good behavior was impossible and trying to get it would be futile.  But Michelle got it, with love.

Calmness. Love. Expectations. Encouragement. 

Encouragement is important.  For everyone.

On Saturday we watched a show about the Kona triathalon.  The athletes thrive on the encouragement of the crowds on the sidelines that cheer them on.  They ran faster and better with the encouragement.  It was inspiring!

Encouragement is a form of coaching. 

I want to encourage our son!  I want to be good at coaching!

That reminds me of emotion coaching. 

I love Gottman's emotion coaching!  It works!   I need to review it.

I found the coolest blog yesterday.  Zen Habits. www.zenhabits.net

I knew right away with the first post that this is a blog I want to return to.  I clicked on my 'pin it' button so I could put it on my 'Blogs I looked at' board.  A message popped up to tell me that there were no pictures on that page.  I looked on other pages; no pictures.  Finally I found a picture in the 'About' section.   That's weird.

There are hardly any pictures on this whole blog!  Just writing.  Great writing.  Writing that is so great that 250,000 people follow Zen Habits.  

Wow, a popular blog without pictures. 

I'm reading it.  And i love it.

He wanted the pile of leaves to be in the back of the truck.  Fun idea!    Not as much fun when I had to clean them out.  :-)