I think back to try to describe how I was feeling at the time and now it seems extreme and silly. But honestly, I was at the limits of my stress level.
I am not a dog person. Typically animals, including humans do not obey me. I get anxious when someone, even a puppy, is trying to constantly get my attention. I have a hard time ignoring cries for attention. Cries for me, rip me apart on the inside until I can pick up and cuddle.
I can handle my son because I realize that I spend more one on one time with him than most little boys get from their moms. I give him as much as I possibly can. My son does not play by himself. Frequently we spend 12 hours in a day literally playing together the whole time, (really!) and then he begs and cries for me to stay a little longer with him at night. I realize that his needs for my attention may never be completely filled! We can't stay up all night so that we can be together 24 hours a day! I can handle my son because I know I am doing a good job at filling his needs.
But dogs? How do you play with puppies? They dont know how to fetch.
I cant walk them. In the first few weeks we had them, the outside temperature never rose above 20 degrees! I couldn't walk them! There has been over two feet of snow on the ground and most of the sidewalks for over month! 12 hours a day trying to entertain puppies was stressing me out.
When I put them in their gated area, they would whine and howl. I was so stressed, I would bawl. Really, about once a week I would end up bawling in frustration over the puppies. I felt trapped.