Scolding and punishment

I want to spread hope and not guilt....so this post is about all the "bad" parents out there...not us...we're the "good"  parents.  Ok?

This thought broke my heart today...

"Scolding and punishment frighten children.  Their natural tendency when scared is to cling to their mother, but she is the one doing the scolding, and in doing so she is pushing the child away from her.  This causes additional anxiety, and the child is frustrated- unable to act on his or her natural impulses.  The people who are supposed to shield the child from anxiety and comfort the child are instead the source of an anxiety from which the child can find no shelter.  This means that repeated and/or severe scolding may damage the child's fundamental trust."  (Sigsgaard quoted in Soft-Spoken Parenting by H. Wallace Goddard)

Today I am glad I didn't scold my son!  When my son demanded I make a game move, "NOW! MOM!"  I didn't get angry.  I said, "I don't feel like playing anymore when you talk to me like that."   He didn't apologize like I have coached him to do.  I turned off the game and said,"I'll turn it off until we decide what to do."  Even then, he didn't apologize like he normally does.  Instead he boldly lunged to turn it back on.  I moved it out of reach and said, "Honey, playing is a priviledge not a right."    He crawled off to his bed and cried loudly.  After a minute I went in and asked softly, "Were you calling me or crying?"   "Crying."  Since his anger was not directed at me, I hugged him and just sat with him.  Then he asked, "Mom, I not play the rest of the night?"  I answered, "Not if you yell at me like that."   He said, "I not do it again, sorry."  and he hugged me.   We were back to normal!  I didn't have to yell or lecture or get mad.  I simply stated the behavior I don't like and held off playing until we could apologize and have fun together again.    Yay!!  Peace was restored!  Much quicker than it used to be!


Love,

Alison