The books I have listed as my favorite have a common theme. Empathy. They claim that there are reasons behind children's behavior. They refute the explanations that I used to believe that children are just trying to "push our buttons" or trying to "get on our nerves" to watch us squirm and make things difficult for us.
These books help me to be a detective to find out why my son behaves in the puzzling way he does. Understanding the reasons behind the behavior helps me to address the underlying reasons for the behavior rather than just punish the behavior.
When I punish him, my son does NOT feel my love for him. When I punish him, my son gets angry and withdraws or he becomes claustrophobically clingy and annoyingly over-emotional.
When I try to understand his feelings and acknowledge his desires, he feels my love for him. When he knows I am trying to understand him and I am not disappointed in him, he is quicker to turn to me for help and comfort. We arrive at apologies and forgiveness and solutions much quicker when we talk than when I punish him. Empathy promotes peace. This is my new way of parenting.
When I punish him, my son does NOT feel my love for him. When I punish him, my son gets angry and withdraws or he becomes claustrophobically clingy and annoyingly over-emotional.
When I try to understand his feelings and acknowledge his desires, he feels my love for him. When he knows I am trying to understand him and I am not disappointed in him, he is quicker to turn to me for help and comfort. We arrive at apologies and forgiveness and solutions much quicker when we talk than when I punish him. Empathy promotes peace. This is my new way of parenting.
P.S. My husband agrees with my parenting theories and likes that I do the parental studying and often defers to me on the matter. If we disagree on a situational level, we talk it out and ultimately we trust each other's view and try to meet in the middle.
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