"I might as well warn you now: What follows will not be step-by-step recipe for How to Raise Good Kids...Very specific suggestions("when your child says x, you should stand at location y and use z tone of voice to utter the following sentence...") are disrespectful to parents and kids alike. Raising children is not like assembling a home theater system or preparing a casserole, such that you need only follow an expert's instructions to the letter.
No one-size-fits-all formula can possibly work for every family, nor can it anticipate an infinite number of situations. Indeed, books that claim to offer such formulas, while eagerly sought by moms and dads desperate for a miracle cure, usually do more harm than good." - Alfie Kohn
I believed that I could put the many "tricks" and "techniques" that I have tried into this website and it would be helpful. I was desperate to find very specific suggestions, the right tone and the right timing and thing to say. What I am finding is that there are no universal parenting tricks or techniques that will "work" to control behavior in every situation with every child.
What I am finding is that when I focus on understanding the reasons behind my son's behavior, my empathy for him increases. With more empathy I am more loving and less punitive as I try to teach him how his actions affect others. The less punitive I am, the more grateful and cooperative he is. Empathy promotes peace.