When I read blogs about moms mourning the fact that their children are growing up, I think about my son growing up. I get anxious that the time is going too fast and I am not doing enough to maximize the time I have with him.
And if I happen to be maximizing the time I have with him, then I get anxious that I am not documenting our experiences enough and I will forget them. I feel a sense of dread about losing the precious moments with my precious son.
Then I can't sleep.
Then I am less patient the next day.
I am less patient at bedtime when my son is all ready for bed but he is lying on the floor holding his eye. "Come on, get up." I tell him, ignoring the fact that he is holding his eye and acting hurt. "Get up and wash those dirty, stinky hands," I say as I start pulling on his arm. I just want him to get clean and get into bed and fall asleep, now! We are still tired from late summer nights and not into our school bedtime routine yet. I don't want his daily behavior to get out of control, and what if he starts having problems at school from lack of sleep! He says, "You bumped my eye." I apologize and say it was an accident and that I didn't even know I did. Hands get washed, good!
I realized that losing sleep over his passing childhood has prevented me from being able to enjoy the here and now with him. Luckily our happy bedtime moment last night was saved. But I don't want to be sad about his vanishing childhood and lose any more sleep.
As I was pulling weeds in this flower bed today, I told myself, "Face it. Kids grow up and life goes on." I like my life. And I have learned how to live my life in an enjoyable way even when things and people very dear to me have been taken away from me. I know how to get by and be happy. I have heard that is how centenarians live to be 100. They cope well with losses. I can, too. KNOCK ON WOOD.
We will remember everything