"Mom, I not want to go to school." Uh-oh! Here we go! In the past, I would get stone cold and brace myself for a fight. I would hurry and try to think of the best threat to use for when the situation escalated. Today I decided to empathize and use PET (Parent Effectivenes Training). I calmly asked, "Why don't you want to go to school?"
"Because it takes away my fun everyday. Even on recess it takes away my fun."
What could I say? School does take away a kid's fun! I hugged him. I asked him, "What do think we should do?"
"Not go to school." I hugged him again.
Because of our new "working with" type of problem solving, he tried to meet me in the middle. He walked over to the calendar and counted. "Mom, what makes seven?"
"Do you mean like three and four?"
"Yes. On three days I not go to school. On four days, I go to school. So today I not go to school."
"Honey, school helps our minds to read and write better." (I have been thinking of better ways of promoting school for him. Telling him that me or Dad would have to go to jail if he didn't go to school doesn't seem nice, and it wasn't working anyway.) I am proud of my new reason for why he has to go to school! :-)
I can't remember how it resolved...I held out his coat. He put it on. We walked out to the car together. I thought that once we got to school, he would refuse to get out of the car, like he has done before. But he went in! I feel lucky! I believe that trying to empathize with his feelings rather than obviously trying to control him, helped.
"Because it takes away my fun everyday. Even on recess it takes away my fun."
What could I say? School does take away a kid's fun! I hugged him. I asked him, "What do think we should do?"
"Not go to school." I hugged him again.
Because of our new "working with" type of problem solving, he tried to meet me in the middle. He walked over to the calendar and counted. "Mom, what makes seven?"
"Do you mean like three and four?"
"Yes. On three days I not go to school. On four days, I go to school. So today I not go to school."
"Honey, school helps our minds to read and write better." (I have been thinking of better ways of promoting school for him. Telling him that me or Dad would have to go to jail if he didn't go to school doesn't seem nice, and it wasn't working anyway.) I am proud of my new reason for why he has to go to school! :-)
I can't remember how it resolved...I held out his coat. He put it on. We walked out to the car together. I thought that once we got to school, he would refuse to get out of the car, like he has done before. But he went in! I feel lucky! I believe that trying to empathize with his feelings rather than obviously trying to control him, helped.
Love,
Alison
Alison
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