Facebook post on the Gottman Institute page: Emotion coaching parents empathize with their child's negative emotions even if there is negative behavior & they communicate family values while setting limits.
When my son is in a bad mood, I feel like a bad Mom. I know I am not, so my instinct is to get mad at him. I start to tell him that he has no reason to be upset. I start recounting all the things I have done for him and threaten to stop doing nice things for him unless he will be happy. His bad mood does not get better until he explodes and then crumbles in a crying heap. We both feel rotten and cry.
Now I know better!!!!! Slowly I am changing. It is tough, but slowly I am seeing results.
Instead of focusing on how he is making me miserable, I focus on him. Why is he upset? What does he need? How can I help? Sometimes all I can do is validate his mood and say, "You look upset. I'm sorry, Honey. It's no fun to be upset." When he feels my love even though he is upset, he is grateful. He comes in for a hug a lot quicker than when I am upset with him. And luckily for me, he still likes a hug! I hope he always will!
Love,
Alison
Now I know better!!!!! Slowly I am changing. It is tough, but slowly I am seeing results.
Instead of focusing on how he is making me miserable, I focus on him. Why is he upset? What does he need? How can I help? Sometimes all I can do is validate his mood and say, "You look upset. I'm sorry, Honey. It's no fun to be upset." When he feels my love even though he is upset, he is grateful. He comes in for a hug a lot quicker than when I am upset with him. And luckily for me, he still likes a hug! I hope he always will!
Love,
Alison
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