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Soothe yourself, then comfort them

3/31/2011

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I subscribed to a newsletter called Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org
I Love it!!  They quote my favorite book!

""Parents have a tremendous opportunity to influence their kids' emotional intelligence by helping them learn self-soothing behaviors from infancy on." (John Gottman, professor of psychology, in his book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. p. 41)

When your child is upset or afraid, first soothe yourself. Take a deep breath. Think about their challenges. Then comfort them. Instead of lecturing them, let them know that they are heard and that their feelings matter. When children know their needs will be met when they are appropriately expressed, children will learn to handle small upsets in life on their own."

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When I acknowledge his negative feelings without judging them, he is grateful and he cuddles up to me for support. Then my heart melts and I am so glad I did not get angry!
Love,
Alison
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John Gottman, author of my favorite parenting book

11/13/2010

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John Gottman, Phd was a mathmetician before he became a professor of psychology at the University of Washington.  He has managed to combine the scientific method to the erratic and highly subjective  study of human behavior.   He has found through science, more peaceful and effective ways of dealing with other humans beings.  He uses the heartbeat, sweatglands, facial expressions and other body facts to measure the stress level of family members as they interact together.  He has been able to effectively reduce stress and fighting in families through the communication skills he teaches.     Being a nurse and a psychology student, I see the incredible value of linking the two very different sciences.    I LOVE him!!
I saw him once at a seminar and I really wanted to tell him I love him!  I am enthralled with his research data.  I am grateful for the years of research he has done and his willingness to share his findings to help families get along better.  He is my hero!  My life is so much better from applying his knowledge.  But I was too chicken to walk up to him during the bathroom break.  Ha ha!
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John Gottman Ph.D.
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    ( June 1997 I became an RN) Graduation ceremony in Aug 2012 when I completed my bachelor degree in general studies with an emphasis in psychology

    About me:

    I am a lucky wife,
    blessed to be a 

    sahm mom, 
    a good friend to a few, 
    a not-employed-by-our-choice RN

    I love natural healing,
    peaceful parenting, pure beauty in life,
    and simplicity through minimalism

    I blog randomly on random topics.
    I blog to remember my family just the way we are today.
    I blog to speak my mind.  

    I am not trying to impress you; whatever I do is just average anyway.  That's ok, I am happy with being average.  You might be average like me.

    I won't beg you to read my blog.
    I won't annoy you with pop up adds.
    I won't be offended if you repost my content in any way.  I will be proud that you liked it enough to use it.

    I won't apologize for my opinions.  
    I would love to hear your friendly opinions.  

    Questions?  I love to discuss anything.

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